It's Not All Black and White

Friday, December 21, 2007

A Friday Funny

Are you a Martha or a Maxine?


Martha
Stuff a miniature marshmallow in the bottom of a cone to prevent ice cream drips.




Maxine
Just suck the ice cream out of the bottom of the cone, for Pete's sake! You are probably lying on the couch with your feet up eating it, anyway!
MARTHA.......
To keep potatoes from budding, place an apple in the bag with the potatoes.
MAXINE.....
Buy Hungry Jack mashed potato mix, you can keep it in the pantry for up to a year.
MARTHA......
When a cake recipe calls for flouring the baking pan, use a bit of the dry cake mix instead and there won't be any white mess on the outside of the cake.
MAXINE......
Go to the bakery! They'll even decorate it for you.
MARTHA........
If you accidentally oversalt a dish while it's still cooking, drop in a peeled potato and it will absorb the excess salt for an instant 'fix-up.'
MAXINE.....
If you oversalt a dish while you are cooking, that's too bad. Please recite with me the real woman's motto:"I made it and you will eat it and don't complain about it"
MARTHA...
Wrap fresh celery in aluminum foil when putting in the refrigerator and it will keep for weeks.
MAXINE....
Fresh Celery? Never heard of it!
MARTHA......
Brush some beaten egg white over pie crust before baking to yield a beautiful glossy finish.
MAXINE......
The Mrs. Smith frozen pie directions do not include brushing egg whites over the crust so I don't.
MARTHA...
Cure for headaches: take a lime, cut it in half and rub it on your forehead. The throbbing will go away.
MAXINE.......
Take a lime, mix it with tequila, chill and drink!
MARTHA........
If you have a problem opening jars, try using latex dishwashing gloves. They give a non-slip grip that makes opening jars easy.
MAXINE.......
Go ask the hot, young neighbor if he can open it for you.
MARTHA..............
Don't throw out all that leftover wine. Freeze into ice cubes for future use in casseroles and sauces.
MAXINE.............
Leftover wine???????????
HELLOOOO... !!!!!!!

11 comments:

Jackie said...

Martha who?? I am definitely a Maxine!

Michelle said...

Too freakin' funny! I am most DEFINITELY a Maxine! Gotta love her! :-)

Melody (lacyquilter) said...

Oh, that's too funny. Maxine here.

lorrietori said...

I love Maxine! She's painfully honest!

Dawn Easton said...

rofl! Too funny! Thanks for sharing!
Happy Holidays to you and your family!

Lauren (mytime) said...

OMG!!! I am cracking up! I actually found some of the MArtha Advice helpful! LOL!

Jennie Skaggs said...

LOL...this is horrible...I start off as Martha but end up as Maxine when I give up because she makes it all too hard. This was funny.

DeniseLynn said...

Oh this is fabulous!! Ha ha Ha - I needed the laugh today. thanks! And oh yea, I'm maxine for sure.

Kraftin' Kimmie said...

I read this when I stopped by the other day....and I am DEFINITELY a Maxine!!! Good grief, I never realized just how anal Martha is!!! Haahaaa!!! Happy New Year!!!

Rosella said...

LOL! Good tips from both Martha and Maxine!

Kim Nath said...

This is just too funny. And although I almost afraid to admit I like martha, I am definitely a maxine. Love your blog.